


You're the Angel That Showed Me the Light

by Janie94



Series: Worlds Apart [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, Grief/Mourning, Guilty Dean, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie94/pseuds/Janie94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean feels guilty for what he did to Cas and is willing to do whatever it takes to bring him back.<br/>But the path ahead of Dean may not lead to a happy ending for him and his angel...</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're the Angel That Showed Me the Light

**Author's Note:**

> After the amazing response to "I Look Into Your Heart and Discover Myself" I had to do this. Thank you guys for your support and I hope you'll enjoy the continuation as well. If you haven't already, please read the first installment of the series prior to this.
> 
> The title is another line from Damien Dawn's song "Your Heart".

**You're the Angel That Showed Me the Light**

 

 

“Dean, he’s gone. I know it hurts, he was my friend too, but he won’t come back.”

Dean doesn’t answer him because Sam is right of course. It’s foolish of him to hope for a miracle and he needs to let go.

“Fine. Just give me another minute.”

Sam nods and leaves quietly. The pity on his face when he turns away, makes Dean loathe himself. This is his fault and he wants his brother to acknowledge that. To tell him that he fucked up and there’s no way he can make up for it.

But Sam has never been that kind of a person, so Dean lets him be. Instead he drags Castiel’s body up onto his lap and looks down at him.

“What were you thinking, Cas? Did you seriously expect me to just go on with my life and shrug off the fact that I killed you?” He touches the abused flesh at the throat absently. “I would have rather turned into a demon again. That way I could have told myself I wasn’t myself when I killed innocent people.” His voice breaks and he has trouble fighting the tears. “How do you expect me to live with the knowledge that I killed the one I love?” He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down before standing up and picking Castiel up into his arms.

He carries him outside where Sam is already waiting for him patiently. When his brother tries to help him, Dean shakes his head adamantly. This is his burden alone. Sam seems to understand him and grabs for the gasoline can when they see three people round the corner. It is Hannah, still in the female vessel she has been occupying for the last few days, flanked by two other angels.

“Hannah?” Sam asks with a quick glance to Dean.

Her eyes settle on the dead body before turning to Dean. “I’m here to ask something of you, Dean.” He raises his brows and she continues, “His body. We would like to take it to Heaven.”

Both Winchesters stiffen and Sam shakes his head. “He is family. He belongs to us.”

Hannah eyes him coldly. “You have a strange way of showing that. All the bad that’s happened to him is because of you.” She turns to Dean and he is sure he’s not imagining the fury in her eyes. “I might have been able to overlook most of it, because he chose this himself. He chose you and I respected that. But you spat on those sacrifices! I never imagined that you of all people would kill him, not after everything he did for you!”

“Dean didn’t-“ Sam begins to argue, but his brother cuts him off.

“No, Sam, she’s right.”

Hannah closes her eyes for a moment and when she opens them, she looks almost insecure. “I’m here because not all hope is lost.”

“What do you mean?”

“When an angel is pierced with an angel blade, he dies because his grace has been mortally wounded. But most of Castiel’s grace is still intact, because he transferred it to you in order to cure you.”

Dean can feel the hope rising inside himself no matter how much he tries to squish hit. “You mean, there’s a way to bring him back?”

“I’m not sure. This is a unique case and I’m only speculating here, so I can’t say for sure. But when I look at you, I can see Castiel’s grace shining brightly. The question is if there’s a possibility to get it out of you without damaging it.”

Dean can’t believe it. Maybe there’s a chance for him to make this right. "So what do we do now?”

“If there is a way, there’s only one angel who could possibly know.”

It’s Sam who voices the obvious. “Metatron.”

Hannah nods slowly. “Since he is human now, we didn’t have trouble capturing him, but he isn’t exactly thrilled to share his knowledge with us. We hoped you may be able to crack him.”

Dean turns to look at his younger brother. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Sam smirks and then he’s walking back towards the bunker. “Give me a minute.”

Half an hour later Dean parks the Impala at the street right next to the playground. Hannah and the other angels have already exited the car and are waiting for them at the sandbox.  
Dean still can’t believe that this is the entrance to Heaven, it seems kind of ironic. He picks up Castiel’s body from the backseat of the car and follows Sam towards the angels.

The sigil they have drawn into the sand begins to glow and then his feet lose the ground. When the light subsides and the surroundings have stopped moving, Dean is off balance and it takes an effort not to gag. He’s always hated flying.

Hannah either doesn’t notice his discomfort or rather doesn’t care. She walks down the long bright corridor and Dean has no choice but to stumble behind.

Castiel is now surprisingly light in his arms, but Dean barely takes note of it. He feels like he’s underwater, desperately trying to break through the surface. His whole body is hurting and he can feel something inside of him trying to claw his way out.

“It’s Castiel’s grace,” Hannah replies to his unspoken thoughts without looking at him. “It feels that it’s home.”

Dean ignores her and focuses on Castiel instead. He knows that he will have to leave his friend’s body in Heaven, but the thought hurts. He needs to trust the angels, but trust has never come easy to him and the only angel he hasn’t regretted trusting is now dead.

Dammit, he needs to stop going in circles or he’s going to lose his mind!

Sam leans over to him. “Dean, are you okay? You look…different.”

“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” Dean shoots back annoyed. He doesn’t intend to snap, this mess is his own fault, but Sam just shakes his head. “No, Dean, I mean your eyes. They’re almost glowing. Literally.”

Dean frowns. So Hannah’s right and Castiel’s grace is barely under the surface. It doesn’t scare him as much as he suspects it should.

But they’re both distracted by Hannah stopping suddenly. Her mouth is tight-lipped, her eyes cold when she stares at the inhabitant of the cell. “You have a visitor,” she tells him calmly before stepping aside to let Dean step forward.

He’s staring at the scribe of god whose look is much too cheerful for the position he’s in. “Dean, what a nice surprise!” His eyes drop to the angel’s vessel and his smile falters visibly. “So, it’s true what they said. You _did_ kill Castiel.”

Dean can’t fully suppress the shudder that the angel’s words send through him. No matter how often that is said, it still disturbs him greatly.

Metatron’s eyes linger on Castiel and turn almost sad. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Every one whose on the Winchester’s side ends up dead sooner rather later. It’s a shame, really! I kind of liked Castiel.”

Luckily Hannah interrupts the scribe of god impatiently. “Shut up. You are not capable of actually liking somebody. All you care for is yourself and taking advantage of others.”

Metatron rolls his eyes at her before looking at Dean. “I guess you’re not here to chat.”

Here it comes, the moment of truth. If someone had told Dean a week ago that he would turn to Metatron of all people for help, he would have laughed. “I want him back. And something tells me you know a way how.”

Metatron chuckled. “Dean, you disappoint me, I thought you were smarter than that. There is nothing to bring back. If an angel dies, he just vanishes. He has no soul, so there is nowhere to go for him.”

Dean contemplates how to tell Metatron what happened at the warehouse yesterday. He doesn’t fully comprehend it himself. But maybe he can show him. Dean steps closer to the bars and tries to focus the power that’s now constantly flowing through him. He hears Sam gasp behind him and he can see his reflection – his façade glowing brightly like a beacon – in Metatron’s eyes.

Metatron looks more fascinated than anything else while Dean struggles to get Cas’ grace under control again. He only succeeds when Hannah puts her hand on his shoulder as though to ground him.

“Interesting,” Metatron muses aloud, his piercing gaze on Dean again. “I have to say I didn’t really believe this was possible. How did it happen?”

Dean doesn’t want to talk about it, afraid of getting caught up his memory and he is glad when Sam answers for him. “Dean was losing his fight against the Mark. Castiel managed to cure him by giving him his blood.” Sam goes silent and drops his eyes to the ground.

Metatron cocks an eyebrow disbelievingly. “He gave Dean his blood and that was it? Well, I highly doubt that. For one thing you can’t kill a demon with nothing more but a few droplets of blood. The amount it would take could only be taken violently.” His eyes settle knowingly on Dean. “You ripped him apart, didn’t you? I can see the torn skin on his throat from here, you know. You slaughtered him like the monster you are.”

Dean wants him to shut up, but no words leave his mouth because Metatron is right. So he lets him continue. “For another thing it takes more than a bit of blood sharing to transfer an angel’s grace.”

Suddenly his expression looks calculating and less playful. “Now that I think about it, that simplifies things. Your blood is still in his system, right?”

Dean is sure he misheard him. “What?  _I_ drank his blood, not the other way around.”

Realization dawns on Metatron’s face and his smile is a mix between pity and smug. “Oh, so he didn’t take your blood as well? Wow, I didn’t expect that. You know, Dean, blood sharing is an angel’s way of proclaiming his love. At least one of two major steps, but let’s not go into detail here. After what Castiel did for you, I thought he had been in love with you for a long time. I suspected  _you_ would be the one to turn down that act, but it seems he didn’t love you as much as I thought.”

Metatron is purposefully trying to rile him up, Dean knows it, but his words hit home nevertheless. What Castiel told him before he died, had those been words necessary to complete whatever spell he had performed? Words without meaning to the angel?

He feels Sam tugging at his sleeve. “Don’t let him get to you. He’s playing you.”

Dean swallows hard. He wants to believe Sam that Castiel meant what he said, but honestly how could he? Castiel had seen him at his worst. Not only had he seen Dean slaughter humans under the influence of the Mark. No, he had seen Dean torturing souls in hell. How he had ripped them apart, each cut of his knife purposefully placed. The perfect tool for Alistair.

How could he have hoped that an angel might love him after witnessing that?

“Dean,” Sam asks with a warning undertone and only then does Dean notice that he’ losing focus and Castiel’s grace is leaking out again. Dean bites his bottom lip to concentrate and shoo his thought away. He needs to rescue Castiel. He can worry about anything else later. “There is a way to bring him back and you’re gonna tell me.”

Metatron smirks amusedly, but remains silent. Not that Dean suspected anything else.

“If you do, you’ll get your grace back.”

The former angel tries to mask his reaction, but it’s easy to see Dean has him. He glances briefly at Castiel again before meeting Dean’s eyes again. “Fine, I will help you.”

Hannah, Dean and Sam can’t hide their relieved breaths.

“There is a way to transfer Castiel’s grace into a fitting vessel that gives consent. That problem is already taken care of since the body in your arms is already his.”

“Okay, what else do I have to do?” Dean asks.

“Well, here comes the hard part. That grace inside you is Castiel’s and only entered your body because he wanted it to. But the grace hasn’t accepted you yet.”

Dean frowns. “What do you mean?”

“His grace needs to acknowledge you as being worthy. You will have to prove that your heart is in the right place.”

And there goes Dean’s hope. All those memories of what he did come back to him, the times he showed the monster inside of him.

Metatron rolls his eyes. “Stop looking like that. Castiel’s grace already knows the sins you committed, that’s not the issue here.”

“Then what is?” Dean rasps hoarsely.

“I don’t know. It depends on the grace’s personality or whatever you want to call it. I can’t tell you what it wants you to do. You need to find somebody who can make contact with it.”

Dean looks at Hannah, but she shakes her head. When he hears Sam’s sharp intake of breath, he turns to him.

“Maybe a medium?”

Metatron smiles. “I knew you were the smart one. Yes, a medium may be able to help you.”

Sam turns to Dean. “I know where to find one.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have finals coming up, not to mention my contribution to this year's Dean Cas Big Bang. So updates will be very slow, please bear with me!  
> If you liked this, kudos and comments would be appreciated. ;)


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